The Exam

“Copying, of course, is not permitted. The same holds true for any other markings on any of the sheets of paper handed out for the exam. The invigilators are not allowed to speak to each other, make unnecessary comments, leave the exam room or in any other manner inhibit or compromise the exam,” the principal’s voice sounded loud and clear over the deep silence reigning in the crammed teacher’s room when a small soft voice whispered from somewhere next to me, “what happens if one of the two invigilators passes out?” I turned to the left and noticed the most beautiful female teacher I’d seen in years. She had a petite delicate body, which almost dissolved into the tattered armchair she was sitting in. Her head was graced with the shortest hair-cut I’d seen in the room. Her hair was practically nonexistent whether because she’d shaven it or for any other reason, I couldn’t tell. I was so astonished to see her there that for one long moment I thought I was dreaming. I really had no explanation as to how she’d turned up there. What on earth had made them hire her? They must have really been in a bad need to resort to this. So I thought but didn’t look again for it would have been inappropriate. Then I heard myself whisper back, “in that case I guess the other teacher will have to perform artificial respiration on the unconscious teacher till she comes to.” Why did I say this? I felt as if someone was giving me lines and I was just voicing them out. I noticed then, with the corner of my eye, how she beamed at me or so it seemed to me and then she said in the same soft-spoken manner, “you must forgive me for asking this but this is the first time I’m doing it as a teacher.” As I listened to her highly melodious voice where each and every note seemed to tinkle into place, another question crept up into the back of my mind and then surfaced over – why hadn’t I noticed her before? There could be only one explanation – we are studying in two shifts. She had to be in the other shift. The only time we could have met was on an occasion like this. But again, why hadn’t I noticed her then? You mustn’t think me a womanizer for a womanizer I am not! It was just that seeing her so startlingly fresh from the teacher norm produced on me the same effect as does the first snowdrop after a long cold winter. She was momentous. That’s the way I felt about her then and that’s the way I feel about her still. She boded well for the entire profession, our school, and strangely enough, I dared think, for me.

The next thing I heard was the rustling noise made by the envelopes being handed out to the different teachers and I realized I’d missed two-thirds of the instructions but that wasn’t a big loss as I’d listened to them for years and had involuntarily memorized them as they never varied even by a single word. Then the principal announced my name and then a name I hadn’t heard before. Sure enough, I saw her rise from the chair. My heart missed a beat. Could it be that we’d spend the next three hours in the same room? Come to think of it now, it was really ridiculous that I should have been so excited. The school was going to be out for summer and when we came again for the next school year, who could guarantee she’d be hired again. I thought the principal could as well have given it a second thought. Moreover, there was a good chance she could turn out a disappointment in every aspect in the end. My judgment could have been clouded and my dreams of our becoming more intimate could be nothing but castles in the sand washed away by the very first breaking wave of a real-life situation. I waited for her outside and then we went into the exam room. As we walked I found her rather thin and her eyes seemed to gleam and twinkle with a thousand tiny flames as she laughed at my feeble attempts to tell a good joke. The thing is when I’m embarrassed I always come up with corny jokes that make girls laugh for no other reason but courtesy or because they find me silly. She seemed to find my efforts to make fun admirable and my jokes truly original, though, which left me enthralled even before we entered the room. She did most of the talking inside giving all the instructions with me chiming in here and there. Then she said she needed to sit and I gave her a chair.

The exam was half way through when, as we were talking quietly violating the invigilators’ instructions, she suddenly reeled as she was seated on the chair and leaned back to support herself but missed the back of the chair. Fast and unexpected as this was happening, I think I must have noticed that her body was very frail and her talk hectic and erratic for I jumped to my feet and caught her falling in my arms. I was stunned not knowing what to think or do. I frantically wondered if I could leave her on the floor and call for help but, quickly dismissed the idea as it seemed too brutal for me. Then I squinted at the examinees and saw that they were petrified, turned to stone as if with the stroke of a magic wand. Barely realizing what I was doing I brought her head close to me with my hands and then kissed her on the lips. They felt dead cold. I shuddered. Had I kissed a dead woman? I then remembered what I’d told her. What I’d thought back in the teachers’ room to be another silly joke of mine was to become the stark reality later on. I took a deep breath and breathed it into her wet cold little mouth. With one of my hands I was pressing her chest and giving her the breath of life at the same time. Then it occurred to me that I was supposed to do one and next the other and so I did. Whether because of my first aid intervention or because of some other reason, she coughed and opened her eyes. I looked into them and read all the sadness in the world there. She slowly sat back down on to her chair.

“I’m going to be fine now. Thanks.”

“Are you sure? Perhaps we should call the paramedics.”

“Yes, I’m sure. No need to call them. I’m gonna be OK, really. I just passed out as I told you I would. Remember?”

“Yes… I remember.”

“Don’t you worry about me then and let’s go on with the exam.”

After the three hours were over, the examinees left the room looking long at her before leaving.

“Let me take you home. Perhaps you need a rest,” I suggested.

“Yes, take me to some place,” she said panting a little, “home can wait. I’ll be there soon.”

We walked to my car. She seemed to be recovering and some warmth crept back to her face.

“Let’s go to the beach,” she said, “but some place where there are no people.”

She did sound strange. I felt it then but I was inextricably attracted to her. Perhaps it was the old attraction of the young man to the sick helpless prostitute from “Crime and Punishment” where Razkolnikov is pulled by the irresistible magnetism of Sonia, but this was different. She was no prostitute. I somehow knew this and I was no Razkolnkov, either. At least, I’d killed no one for that matter.

It was rather that I wanted to know more and get to know her and be with her. To the end. As I drove along the winding road by the sea in search of a secluded spot we chatted some more.

“I did scare you. Admit it.”

“I admit it.”

She laughed.

“You freaked out.”

“Not exactly, I tried not to lose my head.”

“Yeah, you did a good job although I would’ve come around by myself eventually.”

I played some music on the car radio and then as I saw the coveted spot I pulled over under a tree and helped her get out. We took off our sandals and walked on the sand. The sea was the way I liked it with medium waves breaking on the beach and turning into foam. I looked at her as she was smiling a sad smile and her big eyes glistened wet and teary. I looked back to the waves and then back to her and told her, “Have you ever thought that you truly look like the Little Mermaid? You know the fairy tale, Andersen?”

“I am the little mermaid,” she said, “very soon I’ll be nothing but sea foam.”

At this point I was really tired of listening to all these riddles.”

“What’s the matter with you, tell me?”

“Leukemia,” she said. “I could’ve died today. I might die tomorrow or tonight. It’ll be very soon. I know it.” This was shattering news but somehow I’d known it all along since her fainting that she was not going to be long in dying. I put my arms around her and pulled her close to me. Her body felt even more fragile as I felt hers pressed against mine.

“Is there anything I can do?” I said. “Why did you come to work?”

I was being incoherent but I couldn’t help it.

“You’ve done enough. Still, there is something you can do, but I’ll tell you about it later today. As to why I came to work. Well, you might say, I tried to get it off my head and be involved in this machinelike action to monitor an exam, or was it a last attempt at self-assertion? I really don’t know. I just felt I wanted to be among people, catch a last glimpse of this or that, be one of the many…”

“I don’t wanna lose you,” I said. “I… I want to be with you. I… I love you.”

“Really?” she didn’t laugh, she just looked incredulous and I must say I was also at a loss why I’d said this. And then I knew. I’d said it because it was true.

“Yeah, really.”

She gently pushed me off, looked at me and said, “I believe you.” And then she took off her top and before I could say a thing her bikini was lying on the sand around her feet. She stepped over it and said, “Come on now. Let’s do what lovers do.” I took off my clothes without taking my eyes off the most incredible woman I’d ever met and then we made love on the beach. Even as I was kissing her and penetrating her I felt she was on the brink of two worlds and then I forgot all about it and let myself go and it was then that she also lost her detachment and gave herself to me completely. Then we lay on our backs, my hand under her head, my fingers caressing her.

“You are not gonna die, you know,” I said catching my breath, “there’s life in you, more life than there is in people healthier than you are.

“No? If you say so.”

She smiled at me and for the first time since we met there wasn’t in her a single vestige of sadness.

We then got up, I took her hand and we ran to the waves splashing on the beach. I kept holding her hand and looked at her face, which was radiant and animated. It was just the eyes that still gleamed their dark foreboding but we were past caring now. We frolicked around in the water, kissed and hugged and swam a little. Then we stood still and I knew that we’d be together always, me, her and the sea.

Every time I go to the seaside I always take time to go to our spot. There I watch the sea foam and I know that she’s there and I see her in the water, I feel her pressed against me. She’s smiling, laughing and we are making love in the water, me, her and the sea.